five year reflection and the importance of comfort food

Today is the five year anniversary of this blog. Though it's been updated sporadically for the past few years, this blog has shown just how much I've grown since 2010. When I first started this blog, I was a year out of college, supporting myself financially for the first time, and dedicating myself to my year of service as an Americorps*VISTA and my love for cooking. Since then, I've experienced a lot. I've been a graduate student and a substitute teacher. I've lived in apartments with tiny galley kitchens and apartments with incredibly spacious kitchens. I've worked my arm to no end beating cake mixes before my mom handed down her kitchenaid mixer.

This blog has also been there as I've experienced loss. Halfway through my first year of graduate school, I lost my dad. It was very sudden, but I took comfort in the therapeutic aspect of cooking. Despite my ridiculous schedule with work and class, I found time to take care of myself by cooking from scratch as often as possible.

And when the grief was still too much, I found myself in Israel.

I had two clarifying moments: one on Mount Masada, and another in an open market in Jerusalem, Both of these moments reminded me that grief is part of life and that I needed to find something meaningful from the experience. 

I found the meaning in my grief by volunteering for a bereavement camp for children who have lost a sibling or parent. Volunteering with this camp led me to discover running by training for their fundraising 5k. I found myself back at camp last year a few weeks after losing two family friends to a car accident. Being there has reminded me that like cooking and running, being there is one of the constants in my life I've come to depend on.

This coming weekend will be my return to camp in the first time in almost a year. It's caused me to reflect on what I've experienced in the past few years. Since 2013, I've started my full time teaching job, moved into my own apartment for the first time since 2010, and found the time to rediscover my love for cooking. I did most of this reflecting when I went out on a solo hike in the Palisades. 

I've gone trail running by myself before, but always at the same park. This was my first real solo hike and the first time I've ever been to the Palisades. My clarifying moment was looking down the steep incline I was moments away from creeping down, and all I could do was reassure myself that it was nothing I couldn't handle. I feel like I've been doubting myself lately, and it was what I needed to remind myself to stop doubting myself so often and trust my instincts.

I find that this happens to me when I'm cooking, too. As fun as it is to try a challenging new recipe, I sometimes find myself unsure of what I'm doing. Whenever this happens, I can't help but feel like I need to go back to comfort food.

For me, comfort food is rooted in its simplicity. It's simple to make and tastes so good without being complex.

Recently, my go to for comfort food is usually lentils. It's hard to screw them up and with the right amount ginger and spices it feels so good to eat. This week I've been eating red lentil curry with brown rice, which is exactly what I need right now.

I wish I could say that I'm going back to frequent updates, but my schedule still doesn't allow that. I'm planning on gardening again over the summer and plan on focusing on meals made with the vegetables I'm growing (still has not been determined as of now). Regardless, my focus will still be cost-efficient healthy meals that most people can enjoy. Though I've changed in the past five years, the purpose of this blog will be the same as it was in 2010.